Installment Two - John Wilkes Booth

Billy: Do you consider yourself a soldier?
Booth: No. While my act was for the good of the country and I’m a supporter of the Confederate Army, I am an instrument of God.
Billy: If the South had succeeded, what would our country be like today? Or should I rephrase that as countries?
Booth: I wouldn’t rephrase. I would expect that the North would have joined with the South the way the South joined with the North should the South have won. As for how the country would be, it’s impossible to say. But better, it would be better.
Billy: There’s a saying, I think it’s from a song, “The South’s gonna do it again!” Does that hold any meaning for you?
Booth: None, but it sounds like an insult.
Billy: So, obviously you didn’t believe President Lincoln would ever be tried as a war criminal…What about President George W. Bush?
Booth: There are similarities between the two. Both have power issues and neither pays any credence to their critics. Lincoln however turned the country against itself. Far more despicable than what the current President is doing.
Billy: I’ve heard that Mary Todd Lincoln dabbled in the practice of conjuring up the dead, souls in the afterlife, communicating with spirits, whatever. Is that for real? Did you ever mess with her during one of her séances?
Booth: Were it real, there were better people to “mess with” than her. But alas, it is not for real – While we live after we die, we’re left to individual interpretation.
Billy: How do you want to be remembered?
Booth: As more than the first successful assassin in US history. But as has been proven time and time again in this country, they’d rather categorize us than study us.
Billy: If you could choose to assassinate any President, from the twenty-seven Presidents since and including Lincoln, which President would it be?
Booth: You’re trivializing the act – don’t do that.
Billy: Any regrets?
Booth: Breaking my leg. Though I know actors are supposed to do that right? That was a joke. Never mind.
Billy: Your 2008 Presidential pick?
Booth: None. We are so far removed from having competent people to choose from that it’s laughable.
Billy: Who would you like to have dinner with?
Booth: My mother.
Billy: Lynyrd Skynyrd or Neil Young?
Booth: Neither.
Billy: What is your favorite word?
Booth: Brutus.
Billy: What is your least favorite word?
Booth: Lincoln.
Billy: What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Booth: The play Julius Caesar.
Billy: What turns you off?
Booth: The North.
Billy: What is your favorite curse word?
Booth: A gentleman doesn’t curse.
Billy: What sound or noise do you love?
Booth: My mother’s voice.
Billy: What sound or noise do you hate?
Booth: War.
Billy: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Booth: Politics.
Billy: What profession would you not like to do?
Booth: Salesman.
Billy: If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Booth: Thank You.

Installment One - Meet Leon

Billy: Mr. Czolgosz-
Czolgosz: Please; Leon.
Billy: Leon, what was it like to hear Emma Goldman speak for the first time?
Czolgosz: It was if I had been struck by lightning, you know, there was this tremendous energy in the room.
Billy: I suppose you are the expert in that area... Who is your favorite woman political leader currently serving in office or running for office?
Czolgosz: There have been no good women in office—no good men, either. Besides Emma, Louise Michel would have been my favorite woman who should have run for office.
Billy: Did you ever meet her? If you had the opportunity and could thank her for one thing; one act, one idea, what would it have been?
Czolgosz: No, we never met. I like that she refused to recognize Napoleon III as leader. She should have shot him.
Billy: If you could choose to live anywhere in the world today, where would it be? Czolgosz: I think Paris would fit me nice. They have a better government system, I think.
Billy: ...So...not for the fries?
Czolgosz: No, you brat kid. French fries are not from Paris; they from Belgium.
Billy: The United States has a capitalist mixed economy. Would you have chosen Capitalism for our society? If not, then what economic system or ideology would you have chosen (i.e. Communist, Socialist, Laissez-faire)?
Czolgosz: Laissez-faire and Socialism, of course, would be better. Anarchism is best.
Billy: Did you ever consider becoming a robber and just sticking it to “the man” before you shot the President? You could have distributed the money amongst the poor like Robin Hood or something? What about a pirate?
Czolgosz: That would have done no good. I could not help as many people that way.
Billy: How do you want to be remembered?
Czolgosz: I did some good for the country. I am hoping people think more about others who have less than they do.
Billy: It’s 2008. Looking back, if you could choose any President to assassinate other than McKinley who would it be and why?
Czolgosz: W. would be my next choice. He just about as bad as Bill McKinley.
Billy: Do you have any regrets?
Czolgosz: No. I done my job.
Billy: Who's your 2008 Presidential pick?
Czolgosz: I don’t like any of them.
Billy: Oh yeah, anarchy... No President, right?
Czolgosz: None of the clown-people running for President this year are a good fit as leader. Let the good people run their own country!
Billy: Who would you have dinner with?
Czolgosz: Emma Goldman, of course, anytime.
Billy: Why Emma? Is there something you would like to tell her, say to her, that you didn't have a chance to say before or for the good conversation, good company? Was she your BFF (Best Friends Forever)?
Czolgosz: What is this “BFF?” Is this one of your brat things? Emma is good person. I will always be in love with Emma. Everything about her is beautiful.
Billy: What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Czolgosz: I think I would like to work in cheese factory.
Billy: Do you have a favorite curse word?
Czolgosz: I do not curse. I do not get mad. I get even.
Billy: What's a word you love?
Czolgosz: Blood.
Billy: You're kind of freaking me out. How about a word you hate?
Czolgosz: Aristocrat.
Billy: Coke or Pepsi?
Czolgosz: Coke.
Billy: Would you like to share any final thoughts, anything you would like to say before the end of this interview?
Czolgosz: I killed the president because he was an enemy of the good people, the good working people. I am not sorry for my crime.